Have you ever played the picture card game “Would You Rather…” where your given two choices to select from some pretty obscure ideas (as in the picture above – would you rather wear your grandma’s wardrobe or wear a king cobra as a tie? Often the answer is “neither!” but the rules are the player is to select one of the options when its their turn to choose. We gave my sister this card game for a birthday gift, and over the lunch celebration in a restaurant (5 of us total, my family + sister) we went through most of the deck asking each other questions and giggling. The twins were about 8 years old and reading the “would you rather” cards out loud were often ridiculous and made us break out into laughter, followed with anticipation and the surprise of the responder’s choice.
The choice of trust is not something that would easily fit into this game’s options. Trust is neither silly nor ridiculous. Would you rather be scorned and disappointed or believe that someone has ill motives and has put a target on your back?
Want to choose? No. Is it an easy choice? For me, yes.
I would rather be burned than believe someone is out to get me. This stems from the disposition of what untrusting personally does to me. It detracts from the focus on relationship. Untrusting doesn’t lift my view of humanity, doesn’t extend grace, creates a negative tenor that I can feel, even taste. It is unpleasant to expect bad things to happen. It’s not ubuntu. I confess having a trusting disposition could be viewed as being naïve, perhaps even careless. This is a personal risk decision and one that should not be taken lightly. There are good reasons not to trust, and frankly, I have had times when I consciously choose to stop trusting an individual when given good reason for this critical decision. I also must note, I can count these times on one hand. I call this belief in humanity and life: ridiculous trust. Ridiculous Trust is a level of human engagement that relies upon believing in people, their intentions, and recognizing there is risk and the only decider for trust is YOU.
I trust people— all people— and always error on the side of trusting and being wrong than guarding myself. I also ask questions and offer forgiveness when trust has been damaged. Forgiveness means I have to be courageously kind. That is the foundation for ridiculous trust. I extend trust to people because I know I can be courageously kind if it doesn’t work.
There is a significant amount of research and training around the topic of trust. One of my favorite authors on this topic is Stephen M.R. Covey. I was able to meet with Stephen as we planned, then delivered a series of leadership development workshops with Covey’s team on Leading at the Speed of Trust ®. His personal commitment in designing the workshop and demonstrated authenticity fully modeled the thirteen high-trust behaviors in our planning sessions. The behavior I am covering with the “would you rather” example above is what Covey refers to as the thirteenth high-trust behavior “Extend Trust.” Covey writes in The Speed of Trust “Extend Trust is based on the principles of empowerment, reciprocity, and a fundamental belief that most people are capable of being trusted, want to be trusted, and will run with trust when it is extended to them.” In the workplace and other places where we rely upon others offers the opportunity to extend trust often, and the resulting benefit of trust is the increase in productivity, higher self-esteem, and ultimately better results. Ironically, the global pandemic forced most employers to extend trust to their workforce (whether they intended to or not) as they shifted to a telework model and hundreds of thousands of employees worked from their homes. One of my clients has determined they will continue to maintain the telework structure going forward as it has been so successful. This is a stark contrast to a decision just one year ago of their decision that telework was not a possible work solution for this team.
Robert Hurley’s article in the Harvard Business Review “The Decision to Trust” offers insight into the factors on whether we trust or not, along with strategies to better manage trust. With ubuntu, I am because we are, it starts with YOU. How do you feel about ridiculous trust? Please recognize there is not a single or correct answer. It is also important to be self-aware on your extending trust factors. Ubuntu is. It isn’t forced, planned, or calculated. Where you sit with extending trust also impacts the “we.” Trust is risky business. “We” is risky business, and it’s also ridiculous trust. Would you rather …?
I am better because of you. I am because we are. Ubuntu.