I have never been a person in pursuit of cut flowers, although I immensely enjoy flowers… in my yard (to cut, or gaze over), on my dining room table (to smell and add beauty), at my desk (to smell, and ponder over), and in my bedroom (to add a pop of color and inspire). Flowers bring me joy, they inspire warmth, calm, and delight. In retrospect its quite odd that I asked my husband “never” to spend money on giving me cut flowers in the first twenty years of our marriage. In fact, two years ago, he began the practice of buying cut flowers on the days I would travel back home from business, and without a doubt, every return home I was excited to see what flowers he picked and staged on the kitchen island. Now, I have vases of flowers all over my home. I imagine every other woman must feel the same as me about flowers (although I realize this isn’t always the case, and even those that may love flowers may have allergies).
Currently I am a floral intern (a post unto itself for another week) and this past Valentine’s Day I was delighted to engage in the overwhelming demand and urgent pace in the flower shop. It was a crazy blast of anticipation, anxiety, smiles, hard work, and love. The flower shop normally isn’t open on Sunday, however this year 2/14 fell on Sunday and the store was BUSY. I wrapped up at the flower shop around 3:30 and went home feeling like a beauty pageant winner with three dozen roses and a bouquet that was returned in my arms. I was thrilled with these treasures and as I drove home, I silently counted the vases I had available as I considered how I was going to spread these flowers into every part of my home.
Did I have the right size vases for the flowers? Check. What about greens, was I going to have to dust off some snow in my yard to add some greenery? Nope, too much of a sacrifice… Check. Did I… oh wait, something deep inside me pauses. Do I really need this many flowers or should I give the bouquet to a neighbor? No!…Check… No…
Suddenly a little philosophical debate begins in my mind.
Its Valentine’s Day, so I figured several of my neighbor ladies were “covered” and I didn’t need to show up with flowers for them (or make their hubby look bad), but what about Kathy? I haven’t spoken to her since before New Year’s, and these thoughts continued as I drove home: I am not even sure if she was in town; it’s been freezing cold and snowing; its Valentine’s Day, she is a widow.
The conversation with myself continued as I rationalized this further in my brain.
She has lots of friends, very active (rides her e-bike, walks and shops like there is no tomorrow), she certainly isn’t lonely.
YET… my heart kept saying, give her the bouquet of flowers that were returned, it is ready to go and so PRETTY. But (yes, I was fighting with myself) there are extra greens in this bouquet that would make the other dozens of roses even prettier, that I could pull out and mix with in the other vases. It was snowing and my husband was anxious for me to return home as I stayed at the flower shop longer than expected.
I knew I needed to make a decision and act upon it ON THE WAY HOME, no sense going home, pulling extra greens and then driving over to Kathy’s house. I had to make a split decision, part with the bouquet or not. Something inside me kept pulling me to yes, …and so I stopped the car in front of her house on the street and called her (did I mention it is also very cold) to see if I could run the bouquet to her when she opened the door. No answer. Surprisingly (?) I was disappointed, continued home and then got busy with the rest of the evening, distributing the three dozen roses into vases with joy, smiles and reminiscing with my husband about the full day in the flower shop.
Kathy called me the next day, responding to the missed call, but this time I missed her call. We finally connected then two days later. Right away I learned how these past few weeks have been really challenging for her, and that her baby dog was suffering from cancer, finally passing away the very night I had tried to bring her the bouquet of flowers. In an instant I knew there was something very real about the “to give or not to give” conversation I was having with myself and being intrigued by the timing of my thoughts. This was a divine meeting, and I was glad that I trusted my intuition to reach out to Kathy, on this day, at this time. The point isn’t really about the delivery of a bouquet of flowers to Kathy, it is about reaching out to others, even when it seems hard and we hear that tiny whisper that nudges us in that direction. Similar to the post on courageously kind (link to post) when you chose to come alongside someone even if it isn’t easy or popular, I believe we also have a choice to initiate contact with someone when they cross our mind, even when it doesn’t make sense to us; even if it’s been “too long” since you last connected and this out-of-the-blue call may seem crazy.
I was thinking of you the other day…
Sometimes I have these out-of-the-blue dreams where a long lost friend enters my dreamscape. Why does this happen? Initially I just pondered “why them”? This is where my mind went and would either try to rationalize why a childhood friend would pop into my mind who I haven’t spoken to in over a decade, or forget the dream altogether. But what if this wasn’t an accident? What if we were to follow up on that nudge and initiate contact? Fifteen years ago, I started to make a deliberate practice that if someone popped into my mind that I would follow it up with action. This doesn’t mean that thoughts always prompted actionable follow up, yet it does make me pause and consider whether I should. Let me explain when I put this into practice.
I have known Renee since kindergarten, she lived on the same street, but far enough away that we were not considered neighbors. We were in Blue Birds together (her sister was in Camp Fire Girls with my sister), we sold Camp Fire Mints and Almond Roca door to door every spring, and were in many grade school classes together. We lived in a small town and formed a nice friendship over the years. As we grew older, we drifted apart and together as our interests changed. In high school we would show up at the same dance clubs (yes, this is in the 80’s), she would call “Louie” to me across the dance floor and we drifted together for a few songs, dancing our hearts away. Renee later became my hair stylist, and even did my hair for my wedding. Renee continued to live in our hometown, but I would only see her occasionally when I visited my parents if she was outside her house as I walked by towards Main Street to watch the Daffodil Parade. Then 10 years after my wedding, thoughts of her would pop into my dreams. This happened a couple times and I was drawn to action.
Call her (this is before texting). Out of the blue? That’s crazy. Call her. And say what? Call her. What if she doesn’t answer, then what? Call her. (Side note: insight into my brain, these are the conversations I have with myself. LOL).
So I did call, and I got the answering machine and said “I was thinking about you, drawn to reach out and say “hi”… that’s all!” I still remember it wasn’t a long or difficult message and it was completely out-of-the-blue. The dreams with Renee stopped (other people have come and gone in my dreams as well) and I continued the practice of acting on these nudges when they would occur. Renee is who it started with, and I have done this practice countless numbers of times since (although now I may call, send a text, mail a card, even give flowers).
Over Christmas break my daughter remarked how annoying it is to hear my phone sound an alert when I get a text and she wanted to “teach” me how to turn off the sound notifications. (I know how to do this, by the way). I declined the offer and explained my rationale for having audible alerts: Every time I get a text with the alert, I can at that moment know that someone is thinking of me. I don’t need to stop what I am doing, but I do know that *someone* just thought of me. And you know what? This feels so good.
- If you are thinking of me, and tell me so, I appreciate the significance of you saying I matter to you.
- If you need something from me and feel comfortable asking me, I appreciate the trust in me.
- If I am thinking of you, and don’t know exactly why, its okay for me to simply express you are on my mind.
- If I share my concern about you even if it is unwarranted as there isn’t reason to worry, I have expressed I care about you.
It’s ubuntu, my friends. I am because we are. Who have you been thinking about, and is it time to reach out and let them know?